Gender is Performance
20 years ago philosopher Judith Butler wrote that gender is performance.
I think this is correct. Simply, said, our anatomical gender plays very little role in determining our behavior. Everything else about gender is essentially performing a role for the purpose of enlarging our status in a social group called 'men' or 'women'. This performance ranges from clothing choices to makeup, body language, verbal language, emotional range, etc.
The simplest truth is that we are all human beings with a wide range of feelings and preferred behaviors at birth. Gender training starts directing us to stop doing this and start doing that...usually with an 'or else' attached or implied.
Many of us don't feel good as a result, and try to recover and retain the pieces we lost. Ta da- crossdressing!
My proposal here is that we no longer need to struggle to define what we mean by transgender or non-binary in a way that fits in with anyone else's idea of it.
In our search for a sense of being authentic we may find ourselves anywhere on the spectrum of the cultural norms for man or woman, or on a braided mix of the two.
When we acknowledge the simple but true facts about ourselves, we are at peace, and we can help others see past the storms of false idealizations of two genders.
Hopefully this can help some of us feel relief- just let your self be exactly as you feel.